Wednesday, February 22, 2012
The Dream! xox
Things went along mostly the same day after day. I was still crying every single day almost nonstop. I still didn't want to try to smile or appreciate anything good in my life. I still was trying to sabotage anything that was good in my life. I just couldn't even imagine ever wanting to enjoy anything ever again my life until THE DREAM happened.
I had been having nightmares every single night and then waking up to a pounding heart that would last about half an hour every single day. Well one night I had the most beautiful dream.Actually I know that it really wasn't a dream but actually Ryan coming to me, that's what I believe. Ryan was in a beautiful green field running back and forth with a kite. I really never recalled Ryan ever playing with a kite ever but here Ryan was running back and forth and laughing and smiling. Every time Ryan passed me he would say " Mommy I am so happy now", Mommy I am so happy now." Ryan had the biggest smile on his face as he ran back and forth. It was beautiful outside with bright blue skies and I had never seen such green grass. It was just beautiful. I remember feeling so happy that my Ryan was so happy now and I had a huge smile on my face.
I woke up the next morning and it was the first time that I hadn't had a nightmare and also that my heart had not been pounding. I was actually happy. I felt so wonderful. I thought to myself as long as I know that my Ryan is happy that's all that matters. I remember calling my parents and telling them about my dream. I remember my father on the other line of the phone listening to me as I was crying repeating to him what had happened but this time my tears were actually tears of joy. I remember saying to my father "As long as he is happy now daddy, that's all that really matters."
That day I felt wonderful. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of me. My beautiful Ryan was so happy and that's all that mattered...
To be continued...
xox
I had been having nightmares every single night and then waking up to a pounding heart that would last about half an hour every single day. Well one night I had the most beautiful dream.Actually I know that it really wasn't a dream but actually Ryan coming to me, that's what I believe. Ryan was in a beautiful green field running back and forth with a kite. I really never recalled Ryan ever playing with a kite ever but here Ryan was running back and forth and laughing and smiling. Every time Ryan passed me he would say " Mommy I am so happy now", Mommy I am so happy now." Ryan had the biggest smile on his face as he ran back and forth. It was beautiful outside with bright blue skies and I had never seen such green grass. It was just beautiful. I remember feeling so happy that my Ryan was so happy now and I had a huge smile on my face.
I woke up the next morning and it was the first time that I hadn't had a nightmare and also that my heart had not been pounding. I was actually happy. I felt so wonderful. I thought to myself as long as I know that my Ryan is happy that's all that matters. I remember calling my parents and telling them about my dream. I remember my father on the other line of the phone listening to me as I was crying repeating to him what had happened but this time my tears were actually tears of joy. I remember saying to my father "As long as he is happy now daddy, that's all that really matters."
That day I felt wonderful. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of me. My beautiful Ryan was so happy and that's all that mattered...
To be continued...
xox
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)